Jan 10
I had a small sort of breakdown today over silly things.
I'm scared about growing up. Thinking that I'll be twenty in two years scares me. I never realized the idea of getting older had such a strong effect on me, and I hate that I get sick over it sometimes. Being a failure and not doing anything with myself is one of my biggest fears. I don't want to be a worthless person who is good for/at nothing.
And I'd forgotten how anxious looking at new college applications makes me. I want more than anything to learn languages and go around the world and experience different cultures first-hand, but it seems so random and far away and makes me wonder why I chose that dream to chase. I know I can do it, which is why I feel ridiculous when I get scared. I hate to cry about being anxious when I know that I can't give up anyway, no matter how daunting the road before me seems. I'd hate myself forever if I gave up, and I'd be disappointed in life constantly, so I've vowed to do my best, but it can't be so bad to take a moment or two to let out those stifled fears from time to time.
Needless to say, I'm much better now. I got it out of my system, but my mom wants me to make a doctor's appointment to see about getting some sort of medication to control the mood swings that come with girly time a little. I'm not opposed to it, just skeptical; Yaz did nothing but make me a wreck and put on weight that drove me insane. Good luck there, I guess. Maybe I'll mellow out on my own. :/
I got my Plato essay done in record time, so I've got tonight to relax a little. I'm going to catch up on sewing and Monster, House and Japanese, and maybe force myself to start the last chapter of Curiosity.
And! The Taiko Drum performance last night was amazingggg. *___* So cool.
I hope everyone is as content with their lives and excited about the future as I am. ♥
...every time I right click the start bar and see "Lock the Taskbar", I think "Rock the Casbah". XD; Is there a way to override something so it says that!? That would be awesome.
I'm scared about growing up. Thinking that I'll be twenty in two years scares me. I never realized the idea of getting older had such a strong effect on me, and I hate that I get sick over it sometimes. Being a failure and not doing anything with myself is one of my biggest fears. I don't want to be a worthless person who is good for/at nothing.
And I'd forgotten how anxious looking at new college applications makes me. I want more than anything to learn languages and go around the world and experience different cultures first-hand, but it seems so random and far away and makes me wonder why I chose that dream to chase. I know I can do it, which is why I feel ridiculous when I get scared. I hate to cry about being anxious when I know that I can't give up anyway, no matter how daunting the road before me seems. I'd hate myself forever if I gave up, and I'd be disappointed in life constantly, so I've vowed to do my best, but it can't be so bad to take a moment or two to let out those stifled fears from time to time.
Needless to say, I'm much better now. I got it out of my system, but my mom wants me to make a doctor's appointment to see about getting some sort of medication to control the mood swings that come with girly time a little. I'm not opposed to it, just skeptical; Yaz did nothing but make me a wreck and put on weight that drove me insane. Good luck there, I guess. Maybe I'll mellow out on my own. :/
I got my Plato essay done in record time, so I've got tonight to relax a little. I'm going to catch up on sewing and Monster, House and Japanese, and maybe force myself to start the last chapter of Curiosity.
And! The Taiko Drum performance last night was amazingggg. *___* So cool.
I hope everyone is as content with their lives and excited about the future as I am. ♥
...every time I right click the start bar and see "Lock the Taskbar", I think "Rock the Casbah". XD; Is there a way to override something so it says that!? That would be awesome.